Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Happy Christmas Day!

Merry Christmas everybody! I decided today was the perfect day to start up my daily Shinrin-Yoku [forest bathing] again! Even though most of the forest is gray and brown, 
there are still bits and pieces of green and signs of life! And the best thing is that it makes me feel so much better every time I do it! While I was out in the woods, I looked down at my feet and realized how long it had been since I had taken a walk through the forest...I could tell by the number of colored strings [from long hours sitting at my sewing machine] and fuzz on my shoes --- signs of being inside way too much! So today, I'm starting over again...not only for me, but for Wayne and for my overall well-being. The birds beckoned me on, even though they were tucked away in the high branches of the trees...I could still hear their songs and their gratitude for the seeds and nuts we provide for them all Winter. 
The forest floor was littered with lots of "Christmas Fern" --- namely due to them being the last ferns that are still green when Winter arrives...and that the shape of the fronds resemble Santa in his sleigh [not so sure about that, but it's what I've been told]
The pond is rimmed with ice that resembles feathers
And lots of Rattlesnake Plantain is hiding under the leaves
There are also several logs still covered with Turkey tail Mushrooms
And the forest floor is littered with Cranefly and Putty Root Orchid leaves that will shoot out blooms next Summer!
But towards the end of my walk, I asked God to show me a sign that everything will work out for the best and that life is good and that there is nothing I can do or say to change things that happen...just then, I looked down and saw part of a Turkey Tail mushroom that had, somehow, gotten broken off a log. When I picked it up in my hand, I saw an Angel...that's when I knew it was the sign I needed to see today
And then, when I walked up to the front door, I saw someone else that needs, and deserves, my undivided attention
Not to mention
Ahhhh --- Life is good when you see the good in life! 

Merry Christmas!

love and peace always ~ Kathy

"To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world" ~ Dr. Seuss

Monday, December 24, 2018

Merry Christmas Funk!

It don't even feel anything like Christmas to me this year. Even though I got to spend time with my friends and my family last week, once again, my Mother sucked out all of my positive energy with her selfish ways. I can't decide if I should try, once again, to mend a broken relationship with her, because she is getting old and won't be here forever, or if I should finally just let it all go. My sister finally let it stop bothering her, but I can't seem to do that. The way my mind and spirit work is that, once somebody has that much power over me to suck out my energy and put me in a huge funk, I can't even deal with them anymore, on ANY level. Maybe I need to seek professional help, or maybe I just need to finally realize that I am enough and that whatever rude, mean, cruel, ridiculous reasons my Mother has for not wanting to see me are HER problems, not mine. I've never felt like she really loved me or my sister...she just played the part and used us for her benefit when she needed us. I don't even think she knows how to love, or is capable of it. I don't think it's her fault, just how she's always been. She don't realize how it makes us feel with her hateful ways and I can no longer be a part of it. I don't want her to die, but often wonder what I would feel like if she did...would I have a huge weight lifted off my heart and my spirit...like an end to the constant chipping away of my feelings for her...it just eats away at me. I'm always reading quotes and poetry and really try to live and breath the words. This one, in particular
 makes so much sense to me. I'm only sad about things that have already happened, things that I can never change, or do anything about. And then I'm anxious about the future, thinking my Mother will all of a sudden be a loving, caring, nurturing human, after 80 years of not being any of those things. But HOW do I just "live in the now". That's going to be a challenge for me, but I'm going to make it a new way of thinking for me --- my life depends on it! I can't keep going down the rabbit hole, because I'm afraid I will end up stuck down there and never come out. And life is worth so much more than that to me and so worth it. Thanks for reading my ramblings...here's a picture of Broc, Paulette and our new precious puppy, Skye! 
Merry Christmas! 

love and peace always ~ Kathy

May you have warm words on a cold evening, A full moon on a dark night, and the road downhill all the way to your door. ~ Irish blessing