Thursday, May 11, 2023

My Broken Mother

Broc & Kristin [1980]
 This is a long story, but something I just had to get out...I thought it would make me feel better, getting it all down in writing, but it didn't.

On May 11, 1987 my Mother broke. I was with her at the hospital when my little sister died. My own son was 6 years old. He and my little sister were best friends. They were so close. When I got the call that day, telling me my little sister had been hit by a car and she was at the hospital, I thought, okay, she's got a broken arm, maybe a broken leg, nothing anymore serious than that. I arrived at the hospital, rushed in and up to the nurses station and, in a semi-panicked voice, told them I was there to see my little sister, Kristin, who had been hit by a car. The nurse looked up at me solemnly and said "she's in ICU" upstairs --- at that very moment my life changed forever...I just knew. I don't know how I knew, but I just knew. Of course, I held out hope for everything and was still believing in miracles at that time. After two days of praying with the local Baptist preacher, I was done. I knew we were well past the praying stage. They kept praying, though. After a day and 1/2 of my sister being on life support with no brain activity, my Mother finally laid down and rested. The doctors gave her a mild sedative and she was able to sleep for a few hours. When she woke up and came back into the room where my sister was, she took my sisters hand and said, "it's okay for you to go, I don't know how I'm going to live without you, but I know you are with the angels and in God's hands". Within about 5 minutes, my little sister's heart stopped beating. I watched my Mother break. There was nothing we could do for her, nothing we could say to her, nothing. It actually broke all of us, somewhat, but not like it broke my Mother. It broke my Father, too...but he was already a little bit broken anyway, so this just finished him off. He drowned himself in a bottle of vodka until, at only 65 years old, he never resurfaced. 

My Mother tried to move on, tried to be happy, tried to pretend she wasn't broken. She met my step-dad, Sam, and he swept her off her feet. She was working part-time at a Hallmark store, just to keep her mind occupied and give her something to do. Sam would come in to buy cards for his daughters and they struck up a conversation and he ended up asking her out to dinner...just like a real life Hallmark story! Well, they ended up getting married and seemed to have a good, happy life together, until they both broke. Sam's son died of lung cancer in 2008 and he became broken like my Mother. Years of depression followed for both of them...using every penny they had to "buy" happiness, which was always fleeting.  But through it all, they had each other, loved each other and doted on each other. Sam loved my Mother more than anyone could and she loved him...and still does.

This past November [2022] Sam ended up in the hospital, really sick with sepsis and E.coli. The hospital said he was "on the fence" and could go either way. Since Sam has always been very healthy, very lean and athletic, he ended up getting better with some strong rounds of antibiotics. But the infection had caused some permanent damage to his brain and he became a different person. He started accusing my mother of taking things from him, hiding things from him, etc., and even accused her of having a "boyfriend" and was convinced she was sneaking this "boyfriend" through her bedroom window at night. He became so paranoid he bought a baby monitor and set it up in her bedroom, so he could watch her from his bedroom [I know, crazy stuff]. When he was sick in the hospital, my mother called Sam's biological daughter, Michele, just to let her know how sick her father was and just going on that "motherly instinct" of trying to do the right thing. I have never met Michele, but agreed that she should know her dad was very sick. Michele has been in and out of Sam's life over the last 20+ years, having been in prison for several years and in and out of jail numerous times in between. We all knew she had drug problems and money problems, but never thought she would do what she has done to my mother, her father and us. She came back into their lives and basically destroyed their lives. She may as well have just gone ahead and killed them, because she sucked every ounce of life they had left out of them. I'm not even going to go into details about the whole ordeal, it's to disgusting to even type. The bottom line is, she broke my Mother again. My Mother is broken, just like she was on May 11, 1987, but even worse this time. All she does is cry...EVERYTHING in her life has been taken from her. Michele destroyed her home, her husband, her entire world. There is nothing anyone can do or say to fix her. Sam is in and out of reality [mostly out], in and out of hospitals and facilities...he is broken. He is suicidal and doesn't want to go on without my mother, but they can't be together because of his mental illness, which he doesn't understand. 

All I do is and night, every day, every night. I'm right back to 1987 and I feel helpless, once again. I will get to face Michele in court and I don't know how that's going to make me feel. The depth of what she has done will never be known to us, since it continues on and on, day after day. I honestly have to say that she is the most vile, evil human being I have ever encountered and I wish she could be put away for the rest of her life for what she has done to my Mother and Sam. People like her don't even deserve to breath air, as far as I'm concerned. I will be at peace when she no longer walks this Earth...I know that's a horrible thing to say and a terrible way to feel, but she has broken me, too. 

Thanks for reading --- I know it's sad, but it still needs to be said. Kristin's spirit is living on in my son, Broc, and that's what keeps me going.

love and peace always ~ Kathy

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